People who got through a divorce will often tell you that it was one of the worst times of their lives. Everything they believed in and fought for turns into ashes in such occasions. Important is that you don’t lose yourself.
You will have to continue with your life. Especially if you have the children. They will want to see their parents happy once more.
Nobody said it will be an easy thing to do. For the most part, if you have a great number of years together.
At first, you might feel lost, and it is a natural thing to expect in such situations.
You also have to know that you are not alone. Many people go through divorce every day. They all have to find their struggles and they all have to find something to keep them going.
There has to be hope and believe in a better tomorrow. If you lose hope, you will lose the motivation to go on and proceed with your life. You have to keep your spirits up.
And what can you do after, when you close the door or your home and reality hit you. On such moments you will break apart.
It will be the time when you will want to dwell on your misery. When tears will feed your soul and sad songs will be your best friends. And that is completely fine. You have to go through that.
If you would not care about that marriage you would not feel this way. But, the reality is that you do. And it will take some time to heal.
There are still many things to live for. Happiness is somewhere around the corner. You will have to look for yourself. Nothing will happen if you will lock yourself in the apartment and close the blinds.
Divorce is an emotionally and spiritually very draining. It will drain your energy, your money, and you will stress yourself out. But it will pass and your wounds will heal. Be patient, it will save your nerves and your health.
Why me?
There will be days when you will want to cover with a blanket and sleep for the whole day. That is a normal situation and you will need some time to grieve.
After all, that marriage was something you believed in. You believed in the success of it, and we all want that happy ending we see in the movies. The reality is quite different.
When we are in love with someone we tend to be “blind”. We don’t see the true nature of the person we are with. Even if someone tries to tell us what is wrong, we will refuse to believe it.
Love is blind. You must have heard that million times. Reality is not further from the truth.
Many people don’t want to see how their relationship is harmful. They don’t want to see that their better half is cheating on them. Lying that they were in the gym as they were at their lover’s house.
They forget our birthdays, they forget anniversaries. They forget that we exist and that we have true feelings towards those people. Selfishness killed a lot of marriages throughout the world.
Sometimes we have to put that other person in front of us. But not if that means we are at the end of the day crying our eyes out and wishing not to exist.
It is better to keep away from such people then let them drain your soul out and eventually discard you.
Always remember that it is much better to be alone and learn how you function. That will do you well in the future. It is the most important thing in the world to get to know yourself. That will keep you going.
If someone would ask you at this moment to tell them 5 things that can describe you as a person, what would you say?
Would you rather say that you are now depressed, sad, broken, you have a headache or the opposite. That you are a happy and fulfilled person. For sure the second sentence is much better.
But, you will have to be the one who will work throughout the next couple of months to achieve it. You will be the one who will wake up in those shoes. Nobody else will.
It is time to start to live for yourself. And for the first time, do what makes you feel fulfilled and happy.
Give yourself another chance
The world did not stop spinning if you got a divorce.
Your world might have stopped for a short while, but that doesn’t mean it will stop for good.
You need to give yourself a chance to make a mistake. Admit to yourself that you did all you could but it did not work out.
Try to write on a piece of paper 10 things you like about yourself. There has to be plenty of more, but in such situations, it is quite hard to find even those ten.
Your self-esteem might fall a bit, and you need to find a way to get it back. That doesn’t mean that you should spend all the weekends in the clubs searching for someone. That means the quality time which you can spend with your good friends or with your family.
Do something you did not find time before. Try to read some good books, go to dancing classes. It is important to keep your mind busy, it will help you a lot not to dwell on the past too much.
You will learn how to love yourself differently. If you have children, spend as much time as you can. That will help you out as well. Read them stories, dance with them, go to the park, take them for ice cream.
Don’t sit at home and watch out of the window how time is passing. Time will pass, it won’t ask you if you want to spend it in a good or bad way.
It is normal for you to feel down sometimes, but don’t allow yourself to be down all the time. Call your friends, arrange some quiet night out.
At first, it will suit you more, as divorce can be very stressful. You will have quiet conversations with your friends. If some of them got through a divorce ask them about their experience. They will help you out.
Nobody needs to be alone in such situations. More alone time you will have, more you will dwell on the past which will end up in a bad way.
Try to hike with some friends, nature can also be beneficial in stressful situations. Give it a go, every experience is a good experience.
Give yourself some time to heal
It is important not to jump from one bed to another. You are going through a very difficult time.
Intentions that some people have are not honest. You have to be careful, not to get into a bad company. It may seem that they love you, as they are using you for their interest.
Don’t get delusional, and give yourself a chance to get better. Set some priorities in life. Things that you want to improve on yourself before you get into another relationship.
Try to travel, use your single time to experience something new in life. Go on a mountain, try to write a novel. Something that will fulfill you and make you happy.
Let your days be very active, that will help you set the right frame of mind. And of course, you can always picture what kind of person you want to date in the future.
So try to find some activities that would that person have in common with you. If he or she likes books, maybe it is time to sign up in a book club.
It is always interesting to meet new people. You will for sure meet some new friends, and who knows what awaits for you in the future.
Most important thing is to let things take their natural flow. Forcing something because you feel lonely won’t do any good to nobody.
Don’t get in some relationship because you want to fill up the void your ex-spouse has left behind. That void you can’t fill up like that.
You have to let your heart and soul heal properly. Nobody can tell you how long will it take.
Nobody can tell you how painful it will be at the times. But, I can assure you, as a divorced single mum that things will get better.
Of course, it will hurt seeing that person with someone new. At least at the beginning. But, take that as an experience that will guide you in your future.
Forgive and forget
Some of you might say now, how can I forgive if he or she has done this and that. You will see with time that you will. Both, forgive and forget.
It will release you from the burdens of your past. And no matter how hard it might seem now, there will be the time when you are going to laugh again.
Even when you will see your ex-spouse and you won’t feel any pain. You won’t feel regret and that constant blame you are feeling now.
You always think now, as you are going through this, that you could fix it. You could not, if you could you would. Embrace that as one of the failures in life.
You will fail again, it doesn’t have to mean you will get divorced again. But we are humans and we make mistakes. Allow yourself to be a human, give yourself some slack.
You make a lot of sacrifices in life, and who works a lot also makes a mistake. As long as it is an honest mistake, and you embrace it as part of you, it won’t eat you alive.
If you allow regret and remorse to take over you, you will fall into a deep depression. That is why it is important to embrace your broken marriage as an experience.
You failed, so what? if you work on yourself you will learn something from it and you won’t repeat the same mistakes.
Whatever was the reason for your divorce, embrace it. If it was cheating, then you will be more careful with your partner.
Talking is the key. Most of the marriages go downhill because there is a lack of conversation.
You will have another chance in life. With someone else. Learn from your previous experiences.
Change what you don’t like on yourself
If you think there is something on you that you don’t like change it. It does not matter if that is an outlook on the world or your hair. Dare to be different.
If you always wanted to have platinum blonde hair, do it. What is a better time than now? Visit your hairdresser, talk about your wishes.
You will see what kind of magic will it do for your self-esteem. If you always wanted to go to a rave party, gather some friends and go. Any experience is valuable.
If you always wanted to visit an opera, buy some elegant dress and take your friend with you. It will for sure be something that you will remember for the rest of your days.
Take a trip somewhere, do whatever it makes you happy. Make a manicure, do a pedicure. The world is yours and you should enjoy it.
Take your kids with you on trips. They will also have a precious memory.
Learn a new language. Change yourself into a better person. But not to impress your ex-spouse, but to impress yourself in the mornings.
You will look at yourself in the mirror and you will say that you succeeded. You survived a divorce.
Now it is time to embrace that new you and make the best out of this life. Have fun, enjoy your nights out. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
