We all are surrounded by different people, some pleasing, some not. Sometimes, people falling in the latter category give their opinions on our personal matters when they shouldn’t. One such opinion is “I think you need to have more children.”
This statement can be very annoying when it comes from the wrong person. One might even feel frustrated, angry, sad, etc. based on who said this to them.
It’s easy for people to say ‘yes’ as compared to ‘no’. But you cannot be nice to everyone, always. You need to say no, no matter how uncomfortable turning down someone’s suggestion makes you feel. Someone insisting you to have more children when you don’t want to is one of those situations. Here are some suggestions you can follow to say no to people. You can follow whichever one suits your situation the most.
1. Never take it personally.
Try to talk in a generalized form and show your disagreement on the issue. You are the boss of your life and you are entitled to take your own decisions. Saying no to them in this situation will not make you look rude. People need to understand that you will plan your family according to your wish, not theirs.
2. Follow your beliefs and ideas
You have your own identity and views to follow. You don’t have to let your life get dictated by someone else’s ideas. So, if in any discussion, someone insists you have more children when you don’t want to, better close the conversation with a simple clear ‘no’ and quote your reason. Using sarcasm or keeping it straight forward is up to you.
3. Use ‘I’ statements when you communicate
Always use ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ in your statements while sharing your feelings, needs, or your thought process, as ‘you’ can make a statement look argumentative. For instance, your parents are pressurizing you to having children but you do not want so. Here, you can politely reply with ‘I will do it when I will think the time is right.’
4. Put your viewpoint positively in front of others
We get what we give. Hence, always be a good listener. If you will give the other person respect and listen to them attentively, they will also reciprocate. This will give you a chance to communicate your views more clearly and firmly.
The key to making other people understand you are understanding the other person first. Wait for your chance. Start telling them your side of the opinion, you take on a matter once they are done. Once you attempt to understand their point, they will try their best to understand your point and why you disagree with them on the matter.
5. Stay calm
During any conversation, it’s important to remain calm, to keep things under control. It will keep things from going in the wrong direction. It becomes a tad difficult to stay calm sometimes, particularly when the conversation is not to your liking. Here, you need to act with maturity, especially if the person you are talking to is your family member or a close friend. In such cases, respect comes first. Try to establish a good foundation among your dear ones. This will help you explain your viewpoints to them comfortably and openly.
6. Fire-back if the need arises
Some people only open their mouths to hurt others. They don’t think once before speaking and end up making others suffer because of their senselessness. These people might not even take into consideration the possibility of you dealing with hysterectomy or infertility. You should just shut these people up with a straightforward answer as their aim is to make you suffer, not feel cared for.
7. Put it back on them
If someone really gets on your nerves by pestering you constantly, act like you have misunderstood them and answer them in the following way – ‘Oh congratulations! Are you pregnant?’ This will indirectly make them understand that you don’t want to discuss this topic. At times, it becomes necessary that you send a message to the other person and tell them that their behavior irritates you. You do not have to mind them and lose your inner peace because of them.
8. Shut them Down
A person can be polite to an extent only. If you feel that the other person is crossing their limits and they are not that close to you, then you can shut them down with the following sentences:
- I am not interested! It is none of your business, so please keep out. I will handle it the way I will feel right.
- Sure. I will let you know whenever I will be ready for it. I am concentrating on the other things that are more important to me.
- I don’t know why people can’t mind their business!
- Why don’t you plan your own family instead of planning mine?
- I am wondering when some people will stop their nonsense.
- Sorry, I didn’t listen to what you said. Don’t bother repeating. I know it was not anything important.
9. Answer politely
If you feel the other person genuinely cares about you and is close to you, you wouldn’t want to be rude to them. Instead, you can gently turn their suggestion down with any of the following sentences:
- Oh! Even I wish I could answer your question.
- Aw! I am so grateful for all your care and concern, but I know nothing about that yet.
- You need not worry at all. It will happen when the time is right.
- Sadly, sometimes things don’t go the way we want them to. But don’t worry. We just have to wait for the right time.
- Sorry! I didn’t hear it. Could you please repeat it?
10. Educate Them
Sometimes, it is important that, instead of with people, you try to educate them on various parameters. In such situations, you can always rely on one of the following sentences’ responses:
- Have you ever thought about how many couples suffer from infertility problems? I don’t want to say it like this, but have you considered the possibility of me being one of them? Can you imagine how painful it might be for such couples when someone keeps bringing this topic up repeatedly?
- You should understand that this is a very personal question. Sometimes people face hardships in their pregnancy. If you, even unintentionally, keep asking them about it, you will end up hurting them deeply.
- Had it been so easy to get pregnant, things would have been sliding. But unfortunately, that is not the case. These things need time and patience.
- Having children and planning a family are among the most important decisions of one’s life. You should not try to rush them into them. People will make these decisions when they will deem fit.
Given above are some ideas that you can use to answer the unwanted and dreaded questions. We all have people we like little, who ask questions we do not want them to ask at, who intrude in our personal space. One needs to know in what way they need to be answered, based on the situation. Always follow the mantra of ‘live happily and let others live happily’ and live carefreely.